they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
