I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
