he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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