Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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