omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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