you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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