After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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