so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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