she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Everyone says I win the strip club
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
