I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
