hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
