sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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