I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I forgot wine drunk hurts
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
