I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
