chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
