That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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