Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
