Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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