he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
