You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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