Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
