i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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