Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
