Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
