yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
