Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
