I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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