do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
even my farts smell like vagina
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
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He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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