Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
