And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
where am i from again
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
