those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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