remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
