My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
