dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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