It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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