He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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