Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
