Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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