Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
