the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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