You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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