Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Actions speak louder than pants.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
