guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize