Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
