she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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