If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
