do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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