I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
