don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
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do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So much rum. So many feels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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