I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
