Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
