Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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