He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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