I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
