your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
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having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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