i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
