yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
