i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
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