A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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