Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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