I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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