i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
