She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
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