Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
