At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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