sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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