words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
