do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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