I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
i think im in europe. pls send help
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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