I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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