Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
