I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
