I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
