Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
