He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
