I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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