Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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