I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You need Xanax blowdarts
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
