I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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