Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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