it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize