just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We just shotgunned beers for America
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
