he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
smell my finger.
two words...techno handjob
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
