I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
